Struggling with Fear? Here’s How to Deal With It

I’ve watched many amazing people give up their dreams, not doing things they are meant to do in this world — making a difference, sharing their voices, shaping up future leaders etc. — all thanks to fear.

But always remember, don’t let fear hold you back in your career, relationships, and in achieving your dreams. It is nothing more than a lingering emotion. On the other hand, danger is real. It is the uncomfortable adrenaline feeling that rushes up your spine when you are about to be hit by an oncoming vehicle.

Fear is a choice. It is the product of your mind that is fueled by your imagination. Though intangible, it is a strong feeling that exists and manifests itself in your daily activities.

“So how do people deal with fear?”…. Happy people know it best as they are addicted to the euphoric feeling when they conquer their own fears. So without further ado, buckle up your seatbelts as we are about to flip fear on its head and become fear-slayers with these 3 steps.

1) Acknowledge your fear

As cliché as it may sound, many of us have probably come across articles that ask us to acknowledge our fears. But are we really doing that? At this stage, you must really be honest with yourself. This step is usually the most difficult but it will pay off well at the end.

Determine what you are afraid of, whether is it rejection or walking out of a toxic relationship. You can either write it down in a journal and read it aloud or stand in front of the mirror, and ask yourself these questions “What is the worst possible thing that can happen to me?”, “Will it really kill?”.

With all that said, if you don’t take the necessary steps in conquering fear, in time to come, you will probably lament the chances you didn’t take far more than the feeling of fear you are facing now.

You should never ignore fear for any reason because you think if you ignore it, it will go away. It’s just going to come back louder. – Kristen Ulmer

2) Stay Optimistic

At this stage, you must help your brain to focus on the positive. Selecting something positive to think about helps to refocus your brain’s attention. Don’t underestimate the power of positive thinking. Positive thinking is a catalyst that is required to propel yourself through this journey of overcoming fear. When things are going relatively well, this step is simple. But when things are going poorly, and your mind is deluged with negative thoughts, you have to find a way to identify a positive thing no matter how small it is.

The point here is, you have to gain control and strip the power from negative thoughts. Positive thinking will come naturally to you after some practice.

3) Feel your fear

Stop thinking about your fear and try to ‘play a game of chess’ with it. It isn’t going to help you diminish your fear and make you feel better.

Instead, let fear be your motivation. Get in touch with it. Have a relationship with it.

Fear is going to show up a lot of times throughout your life. Let it be a journey and you will find yourself handling fear with ease.

Tony Robbins, a successful entrepreneur, author and philanthropist has highlighted the importance of understanding these 6 core needs. They are what makes us tick and drive human behaviour to meet these needs.

Are these just our desires or wants? Nope. They are profound needs that form the basis of our choices and make us question things that we do.

In order to have wisdom, you have to first understand these invisible needs that motivate every individual.

Without further ado, I will delve deeper and explain every single one of them:

1) Certainty

This is the need for safety, control, assurance, refuge, and predictability.

Imagine having a phobia of heights and you are forced to look down from a cliff. Will you jump down without hesitation? Of course not. You will definitely question the stability of the cliff you are standing upon, ask for safety gears and even question yourself why the hell you are up there in the first place.

Our need for certainty is a mechanism for survival.

And this need can definitely be found in our daily lives – from jobs to relationships. It affects how much we are willing to take risks despite the unknowns we face. Tony Robbins has also stated that “The higher the need for certainty, the less risk you are willing to take or emotionally bear.”

2) Uncertainty/Variety

This is the need for a change, a new stimulus or environment.

Trick or treat! People are in for surprises. Life will be too boring if every day is Monday right? We can only have so much comfort before we begin to feel bored that we need exciting things to spice up our lives.

3) Significance

Dig down and you will find that somehow or rather, every human being on this planet has the urge to feel important in their lives. All of us have different ways to obtain this feeling of importance – it can be from earning a billion of dollars to just wanting a hug from someone special.

Understanding this need is essential to influencing people around you. Sometimes, the reason why people do not even listen to your opinion is that they need someone to quench their feeling of importance. Back down, observe what the other person really wants, and try to come up with a solution that appeals to their emotional needs. You will find it easier to win them over if you make them feel important first.

” The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to feel important” – Dale Carnegie

4) Love & Connection

Love is universal. People often crave for love that is unconditional, passionate and caring.

When we break up with our significant other, we feel pain, pain that is significant enough to cause some people to go without food for several days. Without love, emptiness sinks in and we will find ways to fill this gap that we are having- from immersing ourselves in nature and intimacy to getting a dog, a man’s best friend.

These 4 needs are categorized under the ‘Needs of The Personality’. We are able to find ways to accommodate them, be it by working harder or finding a big problem.

The last 2 needs are categorized under the ‘Needs of the Spirit’. These 2, as stated by Tony Robbins, are difficult to be accommodated. But when these two needs are met, we are then able to be truly fulfilled.

5) Growth

Ever heard of the maxim that if we are not growing, we are dying?

Yes, without growth, what is the point of living? I am all in for growth and it can come in different forms.

You can grow through pain. Let us face it, staying stagnant isn’t really possible. In life, we are bombarded with unknowns and uncertainty. We have to meet the expectations of our jobs, pay taxes, and face strain relationships sometimes. Once we are able to overcome these challenges, we are in for growth.

Now, how can I measure growth? How do I know that I am growing?

Ask yourself this question, “Are you adding value to your life or people’s lives?”

6) Contribution

Give more, receive more. This isn’t in terms of monetary value. Contribution varies from each person. Some will choose to contribute by donating to charity while others may volunteer themselves to participate in a great cause. Without this final touch, we will not experience true fulfillment.

We are currently in the digital era which makes sharing so much easier through the use of social medias.

People who do not share helpful information are truly missing out on the big picture. Sharing definitely enhances the experience that we feel.

Conclusion

Each of us has to accommodate these needs constructively in order to be truly fulfilled in life. Understand the 6 fundamental needs and develop awareness to the things we do daily.

Reflection

What are your thoughts on the 6 Universal Needs by Tony Robbins?
Are you really fulfilled in life?
What habits are you going to change in order to be fulfilled?

Many of us are not aware of the importance of Personal Development, let alone its benefits. Majority of the schools we attend do not emphasize the fundamentals of Personal Development. All they ask of us is to thrive in a competitive environment, get a certificate, find a corporate job and ultimately work until retirement. We are not taught to embrace failure, instead, we are fearful of it. Some of you may be able to relate (Lecturers demanding you to excel in all your subjects if not it will spell your demise etc.)

But, I beg to differ. Life does not revolve around grades. Do not be caught up in the axiom that grades = success. This is when Personal Development can contribute greatly towards your life as it teaches you to manage yourself effectively and combat whatever obstacles you may face.

So what is Personal Development? To put it in lament terms, it is a lifelong process that you can apply in all areas of your life. Many people utilize it in order to gauge the stage of life they are at and assess their skills and qualities so that they are able to set achievable goals.

Who is it for? People who are seeking a better and more fulfilled life or people who want to escape the throes of the rat-race.

To answer the question as to why Personal Development is important, we will take a look at several benefits:

1) Self-Actualization

Self-Actualization is the realization of one’s potential. In other words, you are able to grasp who you are as a person at a deeper level; your vision, your beliefs, and how you will want to design your own life. Awareness of oneself is the fundamental step towards success and happiness in the Personal Development process.

All individuals have the need to see themselves as competent and autonomous, also that every person has limitless room for growth. – Abraham Maslow

2) Improvement in Decision-Making

Once you are clearer about yourself, you will be more decisive in the things you want to achieve in life. You will eliminate all sorts of excuses to thrust yourself towards your goal. Additionally, developing different perspectives towards the situations you face in times of adversities. As you hone your skills in Personal Development, you will find many different solutions to a challenging problem.

3) You will feel happier

Without a doubt, Personal Development will make you feel more fulfilled and happy in life. This is because when you make a mistake, you will not dwell on it, but instead, you will use it as a leverage to continue improving yourself. You will not perceive failure as if it is doomsday, however, you will actually see it as an advantage for yourself.

The fear of failure is overrated as an excuse. What people fear is not the failure but the criticism or blame that comes behind it.

Onward.

Well, with Personal Development, you are able to take people’s criticisms with a pinch of salt and not allowing them to deter you from your goal.

4) Increase Focus and Concentration

With Personal Development comes great clarity. As your skills improve, you will have a better sense of prioritization. Your roadmap to success will be clearer and you are able to do things in a shorter period of time with the same output.

Conclusion

Are there any more benefits? Of course. I can possibly go on forever as to why Personal Development is so important to anyone. However, to be frank, you can read all kinds of benefits relating to Personal Development but if you do not take massive action, you are only cheating yourself.

So, what you can do is to start sketching out a roadmap for yourself. Set daily goals, monthly goals or even yearly goals. Begin by reading more books on Personal Development and start assessing where you are at in your life. You will slowly begin to come across benefits pertaining to Personal Development!

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